


buried deep down

by violetblossoms



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Gen, Oneshot, crossposted from ffn, don't mind me i'm just crossposting everything i've written, for fallenclan, ily guys platonically, poor kestrelpaw he's got an existential crisis going on, seriously they're amazing if you have a ffn account join them please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27510022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetblossoms/pseuds/violetblossoms
Summary: Kestrelpaw lets it set in. The wind ruffles his fur, and he fluffs it up. So much for that, though, as his fur is just as short as the average WindClanner's.Yes, he decides. The sunset does look pretty.
Relationships: Barkface & Hawkheart, Kestrelflight & Barkface, Kestrelpaw & Barkface
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	buried deep down

Kestrelpaw’s eyes blur, but he doesn’t unfocus. He’s near the end of storing the herbs that Barkface had gathered earlier, and can’t rest until he’s finished. The upcoming leaf-bare means that it’s essential to gather and plan ahead. Kestrelpaw plans to do exactly that.

_ Catmint, borage, tansy... _

“Kestrelpaw!” 

He doesn’t look over at Barkface, keeping his focus on the herbs. His mentor seems to be calling all over camp for him, before poking his head in the cracked rock that makes their den. “Kestrelpaw, there you are. Still at those herbs?” He says it in a joking manner, as if he doesn’t expect Kestrelpaw would take this  _ that  _ seriously.  _ Well, I do. _

“Come on,” Barkface says again, more serious, when his apprentice doesn’t respond. “Why don’t we go outside? You’re missing the best day of the year.”   
  
“Really,” he says, although he doesn’t really care whether he is or not. He doesn’t look up.

Barkface nods. “Yes, really. Come on, before you miss it. We can take care of those later, trust me.”

Kestrelpaw still isn’t convinced. However, if his mentor says he has to - and he is, pretty much - well, Kestrelpaw’s never been one to disobey orders. He makes sure to stack all the ones he’s sorted neatly before walking to the exit of the den, and a gasp of shock escapes his mouth at that point. 

The ground looks like it’s been stained white, and Kestrelpaw narrows his eyes. But he then remembers hearing about this before. _Snow._ Exclusive to leafbare and all that. He cautiously dabs a paw in the snow, and winces as the cold hits him. Fortunately, he’s able to brush that off and starts walking. _How_ _does_ _anyone_ like _this?_ Of course, he doesn’t bother asking the question aloud. He still takes it upon himself to look at the snow more carefully. _If_ _it_ _was_ _bad_ _for_ _cats’_ _health,_ _we’d_ _know_ _that_ _by_ _now._ _Right?_

“Where - are - we - going?” he grits out. 

“Tallrock,” Barkface answers. 

Kestrelpaw remains in doubt of this as he hops through the snow, doing his own weird dance. “Are you sure we’re allowed?”

His mentor doesn’t answer, instead bounds up the Tallrock before giving Kestrelpaw help to climb up. He’s never been good at climbing, unlike the ThunderClan cats he watches from afar. At Gatherings, they challenge each other to tree-climbing races, the ThunderClan and ShadowClan apprentices. He wishes he could do that, too. But WindClan apprentices  _ don’t _ , let alone their medicine cat apprentice. 

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

Kestrelpaw snorts. “What, the snow or the sunset?” His mentor has never really been one for sentimentality.

“Well, both.” A few moments’ silence. Then, “You should savor this, you know. It’s not every day that you experience your first snow.”

Kestrelpaw watches the scene before him for a second. It  _ is _ kind of pretty, the way the snow looks like small stars plastered on the purple hues of the above sky. Mentor and apprentice sit in silence for moments, if even that, before Kestrelpaw speaks up again. 

“Barkface? You said I should remember this - something like that, anyways - what about  _ your _ first snow then?”

“Before I answer, and I will, why are you asking?”

The gray tom looks down, ashamed.  _ That’s a ridiculous question, Kestrelpaw.  _ “Well, I - I wanted to know more about the Clans, I guess. From a while back. Can you just tell me anything at all? It doesn’t have to be your first snow.”

Barkface nods. “Shall I tell you about my first battle, perhaps?”

Kestrelpaw immediately regrets asking the question. He knows that kind of story is private. “I didn’t mean to press, I just - “

“You just wanted to know more about me. I’m fine telling you this, Kestrelpaw. Don’t worry about that.”

Kestrelpaw says nothing, and Barkface takes his cue, starting his story. Kestrelpaw just listens, not wanting to interrupt or do anything at all, really.

“It began on a normal day. I don’t remember what I was doing beforehand, details like that. But I do remember when ThunderClan raced through our camp, attacking everyone. It was a complete ambush, we had done nothing against them. The fact that it was unprovoked, that we had done  _ nothing _ , left me angry. And I wanted to fight.

“However, my mentor Hawkheart cared for me deeply. I was like the son he could never have, he was the only father figure I had after my own passed. He ordered me to hide in the medicine den during the fight, so I’d be safe. And I did. I was safe, for a while, until…”

Barkface trails off, so Kestrelpaw prompts him. “Until?”

The brown tom dips his head for a second, but finally continues. “A ThunderClan cat - Moonflower was her name - came into the den. She didn’t see me at first, but when she did her teeth were bared, her paw up about to strike. But then she realized who I was. I was an apprentice, a medicine cat one no less, and no cat with a heart would  _ ever _ attack a medicine cat apprentice.”

He’s quiet for a moment. Kestrelpaw lets the silence fill him, and finds the snow has numbed his fur. Not his emotions, though. He’s not sure where this story is going, but his intuition tells him  _ nowhere good _ . He’s always been inclined to listen to his intuition.

“Moonflower definitely had a heart.”

Barkface continues. “She lowered her paw, and started walking towards the exit. Not quick enough, because Hawkheart came and...he assumed the worst. He attacked Moonflower, and the blood loss was just...too much for her to handle.

I stood there, terrified. I was too scared, and didn’t know what to do. Hawkheart was a former warrior, so as soon as he saw that Moonflower couldn’t hurt me, he rushed back out to the battle whilst she died alone, because I don’t count as a suitable cat to die with. When Hawkheart came back, he was horrified to see what he did, but Moonflower was already gone.”

Kestrelpaw lets it set in. The wind ruffles his fur, and he fluffs it up. So much for that, though, as his fur is just as short as the average WindClanner’s.  _ Yes, _ he decides.  _ The sunset does look pretty. _

“Did he really regret it? Killing Moonflower, I mean? Or are you adding that in just because?”

Barkface looks at him. “Of course he did. It haunted him for the rest of his life.”

Kestrelpaw dips his head. “Then I’m sorry.”

The two say no more. Mentor and apprentice watch the snow fall, the sun set, in silence. Red fades from the sky, then orange, then yellow, then the tinge of green that appears sometimes. Black envelops the sky, and Kestrelpaw gazes at the stars.  _ Hawkheart and Moonflower are up there, aren’t they? _ he asks, willing someone to answer all his new questions, such as what’s it like to die and could I ever kill someone and does Silverpelt really exist or is this all a myth, made up to comfort sleeping kits who whine to their mother about not wanting to be warriors?

The stars don’t respond. Barkface leaves, bidding Kestrelpaw farewell for the night. He doesn’t respond, his eyes glazed over. 

There is nobody out there, nowhere to go, and nothing to hold onto, is there?

At that moment, the sun dies, the stars fade, and everything all disappears to nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed this really short story, if you enjoyed it, leaving a comment as well as kudos would be appreciated so so much! and go join fallenclan if you have a ffn account.


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